We Aren't In Kansas Anymore

It has been a week ago today that we completed the long journey home from Kansas for the Ulster Project International Conference. Though several days have passed, it seems like just yesterday we were sitting in that room with 70+ other Ulster people geeking out over Ulster stuff. Pure bliss. We were surrounded by people who understood the reason behind what we pour ourselves into year after year; and our passion was matched by a multitude of dedicated volunteers who have given much of their time, talent, and treasures to the same cause. I have been trying to decide how I wanted to sum up the experience. I felt like it needed to be put into writing to cement the whole learning process. As I was reading through my notes, I realized that sharing those would be enough. There is no statement or paragraph or blog post that can express the following words of wisdom more purely. While the context here is the Ulster Project and the Troubles in Northern Ireland, I believe these are universal truths that can be applied in almost any situation. Here’s what I learned: 

Old attitudes die very hard. 

Deep wounds and broken hearts need healing. 

Both sides are in desperate need of God’s grace. 

Logic breaks down when one group fails to recognize the importance of the other’s identity.

Sometimes we have to ask ourselves if our actions bring peace or just poke the other in the eye?

How do we deal with our sad past? Who are the victims? Who are the perpetrators? 

Can we cherish the sincerely held beliefs of others? Can we enjoy them? Can we get over the past? 

Reconciliation is a process through which a society moves 

from a broken past to a shared future. 

It takes courage to swim against the stream. 

It takes courage to criticize your own side when they are in the wrong.

What is the value of the Ulster Project? It’s like the cement in the peace process. We are building bricks that will pave the way. 

The past is over but we continue to carry the trauma.

Our worldview does not contain the whole truth. 

We don’t have the bombs and the bullets but we still have our own issues to work through. 

None of us are right, but there might be a little bit of right in all of us. 

Seek first to understand than to be understood.

You could run a marathon around the peace walls of Belfast - 44 walls, running 26 miles.

Who is my neighbor? Loving your neighbor takes courage. 

Loving your neighbor takes effort. Loving your neighbor costs. 

We live in a world that is divided. There is greater disparity 

between rich and poor, black and white. Hatred is on the rise. The Ulster Project is needed now more than ever. 

Of course there were sessions on the practical and logistical parts as well - programming, fundraising, host families, selection process, etc. But this is what I want to take home. This is what we should all take home. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what your Project budget is, or how you train your counselors and transport your teens. In the words of Oscar Romero, it boils down to this, “We plant the seeds that one day will grow. We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise. We lay foundations that will need further development. We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities.”

That is what we need to carry with us as we continue our work with the Ulster Project. We are not in Kansas anymore. We are not surrounded by a collection of people working for the same cause. It may seem like we are cut off from our support system, but that is not the case. We are all connected and when we come together we have the potential to change the world.

Romero’s prayer continues, “We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and to do it very well. It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord's grace to enter and do the rest. We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker. We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs. We are prophets of a future not our own.”

My hope is that we can take what we learned at conference and hold on to that fire within us. May we never grow tired of working for a greater cause, for a peaceful future is within our grasp if we continue with perseverance. We are the role models setting the stage for a brighter tomorrow. I hope I never lose the feeling of humility and gratitude that comes with being a part of the Ulster Project. 

An Ode to Gegdall Phaghette

I met Kendall my freshman year of high school. I don’t remember the details – I just know that it was an instant connection. We were soul friends. It’s like we had been waiting to come into each other’s lives and complete each other’s stories. Almost instantly we were sharing everything from laughs to secrets, memories to clothes. We also shared a love for school cafeteria chicken sandwiches with at least 5 packets of ketchup, laffy taffy, and fast break bars. But my favorite thing we shared was the nickname we came up with for our friendship - Gegdall Phaghette. Gegdall is a combination of our last names (pronounced Geg-dale) and Phaghette is a word we made up to symbolize the love we had for each other (I guess? I'm not entirely sure of the logic, but I'm sure she would have remembered.)

We took a Creative Writing class together in high school. I found some of our creations last night and couldn't help but laugh at how random (and weird!) we were. But that's how our friendship was. She was a person I could be crazy with and not have to worry about impressing - which is pretty rare in the High School world. She was like that with most people. She had the ability to make someone feel like the most valued person on the planet. So this is my ode to her and the memories we shared. 

Tripper Stripper

Kendall and I were in Show Choir together. That's where most of our shenanigans happened. A series of unfortunate events led me to one of my favorite Kendall memories. 1) I fell off a riser at one of our last show choir performances. I was smiling and waving to the crowd after we had taken our bows and I didn't realize that the platform had ended. I walked right off and landed on my face. Of course, Kendall was there to laugh at me and pick me back up. 2) One of our costumes was just a pair of stretchy black pants and a plain black shirt. For some reason during one of the songs they put me in the front row. Part of the choreography was to crouch down and turn around. In the process, my pants slid down and revealed my bright orange underwear to the entire audience! I still haven't lived that one down. 3) During a final dress rehearsal we were practicing the lifts. While I was in the air I had a major wardrobe malfunction and revealed my entire top half!!! Because of these three things, Kendall helped come up with my superlative at the end of the year and presented me with the "Tripper Stripper" award. Instead of a trophy, I received a one-legged topless Barbie, which I still have in my possession! She loved to tell that story.

Laffy Taffy

Every day at lunch we would walk down to the Cubbie Hole (or whatever that place is called) and get Laffy Taffy. We had a notebook that we passed back and forth, taking turns writing notes to each other. And every day we would write down the Laffy Taffy jokes from the wrapper. When the jokes were duplicated, we would put a tally mark next to it in the book. I have searched my house high and low for this book in the past few days, but it is missing. I would give anything to find it and laugh at ourselves again. She would have appreciated that. 

Reme & Mber

After 9/11 we wanted to make a statement on the anniversary of the event, so we got creative. We made matching shirts - one said reme, the other said mber - but we had to be standing next to each other for them to make sense. Remember. We also got yellow boxers with airplanes on them to wear outside of our pants, but that didn't go over too well. We both got in trouble before 1st block! I can't find the tshirt or pictures to commemorate this event, but I will always remember. She was my other half.  

Kentucky Kingdom & Rascal Flatts 

At some point during our friendship I got tickets to see the Rascal Flatts at the Kentucky State Fair which included passes to Kentucky Kingdom. Kendall was my friend of choice and we had a blast riding roller coasters and singing along to our favorite Rascal Flatts songs. We even participated in a Karaoke sing-off! If my memory serves me right, I think we made it to the second round! 

Wedding Shopping

We kind of lost touch after I went off to college and she got married. But we reconnected when I moved back to Madison. We definitely weren't as close, but we still hung out on occasion. I remember taking her shopping with me to get stuff for my wedding. The trip was full of wedding/marriage advice and how to have a happy marriage.   

There are far too many memories for me to list them all here. And I am sure many more will flood back to me in the days to come. But for now, as I remember my dear friend, it is with a smile and a tear. Her life was beautiful but it ended too soon. It’s hard to believe that the world is still spinning madly on without her in it. I know we weren't as close towards the end of her life, and part of me feels guilty for that. We just grew apart. I am comforted by a quote that I found, and this is how I will end my ode to Amanda Kendall Vest: 

“Growing apart doesn't change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I'm glad for that.”

Dear Thirteen-Year-Old Me

When I was in Jr. High, I stopped eating. I pushed food around on my plate and made excuses for why it wasn't consumed. Maybe it was to prove that I could do it - that I had control over something in my life. A boy that I liked asked another girl to a school dance. And deep down, I knew it was somehow my fault. If I were prettier, skinnier, funnier, etc. he would have picked me.

It was a mental thing mostly, and very confusing. My fear was that I would be exposed; that everyone would see my flaws and recognize me as the person I saw when I looked in the mirror. However, what I really wanted was for someone to notice me.

It didn't last long. Eventually I convinced myself to eat again, but I still hated the image of myself that was reflected in the mirror. I have survived by surrounding myself with people who see the good in me, even when I can't see it myself. My life is filled with people who remind me of the beauty that exists within - and even outside - of me.

I think of the thirteen-year-old me and all the things I would tell her now. I would tell her that the shape of her spirit is not defined by the shape of her body - that her worth is not marked by a body mass index or numbers on a scale. I wish I could tell her that in time these things are easier to believe, but to be honest these demons are still chasing me.

Despite how far I have come, there is still a thirteen year old version of myself just beneath the surface. She whispers to me every time I undress. She scoffs as I put on makeup to cover my flaws. She mocks me when I eat a candy bar for breakfast. (To be fair, I should be mocked for that last one!)

I have realized something lately - it is not flesh or muscle that make up the shape of a person. It is words. And the words I have been using to define myself lately are not very flattering. I have been letting the thirteen-year-old version of myself speak louder than the truth. The truth is that fat is not a feeling. In the words of another blogger,

Contrary to what we are led to believe,
‘I feel fat’ doesn't describe what’s at the source.
So let’s ban the word from our emotional inventory
And let’s start to talk about what’s really going on.
Let’s get into the real conversation
About how we use our bodies to measure what’s wrong.
Let’s stop using our mass index to determine our worth.
Let’s banish the term from our heart’s vernacular
And let’s use the full extent of our vocabulary to get down to our truth.

And that truth begins by erasing all the words that have torn me apart. And building a new world founded on the words “I am beautiful.”

In Community

I am confident that God has an extremely ironic and twisted sense of humor. Sometimes the things that we pray for manifest themselves in our lives in ways we couldn't possibly dream up ourselves. The following story is a case in point. Ever since college it has been my dream to live in community. I had visions of a large house shared among friends with separate sleeping quarters and lots of common living space - a concept similar to the Simple Way Community, where life is shared together. I found this beautiful description of community on their website, "We believe that humanity is created for community. God is a community, a Trinity, a plurality of oneness. And we are created in that image. Jesus modeled this community with His disciples, as He lived and as He sent them out and taught them to live. We wish to return to the community like that of the early church in Acts 2:42-47 and Acts 4:32-35. We believe that in this type of community, reconciliation happens. God is establishing a new community, a new Kingdom." (www.thesimpleway.org). 

Needless to say, I have been scheming up ways in my head of how to implement this type of community in my life. After several feeble attempts, it became clear that my friends were not willing to move to Madison, and I was hesitant to move away. Due to a series of events and a few courses of Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, Brad and I packed up our things and our pride and moved in with my parents (who we affectionately refer to as "roommates"). There was an overwhelming sense of defeat with this move - like we were somehow failing at the basics of life. But we adjusted to our new reality and decided to make the best of it.

A few months later (ok more like 6...time is flying!!) two beautiful little girls and their mother entered our lives. We could feel the shift in our hearts almost immediately. We wanted to help their situation in any way that we could. Little did I know at the time, our help would also be the answer to my prayer for community. On Super Bowl Sunday, our house of four became a house of seven and we have been learning what it means for our lives to collide. We know there will be trials, but we also know that there will be beauty and redemption and fresh starts. We are establishing a new Kingdom.

The purpose of Christianity is not to live perfect lives in order to spend eternity in Heaven. It is to do what we can to bring Heaven to earth, even if that means we must co-exist with hell on earth. During my time in South Africa, I had the incredible opportunity to learn from the Xhosa tribe. In their language there is a word - Ubuntu. It means "I am because we are." This one word sums up why it is essential for us to share life in community.

Here's To A Good Story in 2013

My mind is a funny thing. It likes to play tricks on me - it often tells me that I am stuck in a rut, that my life is meaningless and that I have no purpose. It compares my accomplishments to those around me and makes me feel guilty for not achieving more. During one of my emotional self-pity-parties I decided to take inventory on the things that I had accomplished in 2012. This was a very humbling and eye-opening exercise. I realized that the daily drudge of my life has shielded my view of the incredible blessings and opportunities that Brad and I have been given in the past 12 months. Once these blinders were removed, I began to take stock of what we are so lucky to have and be truly thankful. I have decided to share the list below, in hopes that it inspires you to carefully consider your own life and remember how blessed you are. 

In 2012 we....

1. Rang in the new year painting at my sister’s new house
2. I made the front page of the Madison Courier as one of Madison’s top 10 young people
3. Moved my sister in to her college house
4. Signed up for Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University
5. Visited some people that we love in South Carolina
6. Climbed in the ruins of an old castle
7. Spent St. Patrick’s Day in Northern Ireland
8. Got chased by some sheep in a field in Ireland
9. Brad officiated the wedding of his sister
10. Paid $1,000 in taxes
11. Completed Dave Ramsey's Step 1
12. Took my sister to her senior prom
13. Ordered a pallet of bottled water from Lowe’s 
14. Saw Over the Rhine with our friends at the folk festival
15. Moved in with my parents
16. Celebrated our second anniversary
17. Watched my sister graduate from High School
18. Went camping with my mater and Corey
19. Welcomed the 2012 Ulster Project teens to Madison as Presidents of the organization and Time of Discovery leaders
20. Slept in cardboard boxes for the second annual homeless simulation
21. Got on a bus and spent 9 hours in Chicago with a group of pretty cool people
22. Raised $15,000 at the Ulster Project dinner auction
23. Put on my wedding dress and dressed as a zombie bride for Halloween in July
24. Took a 3-hour tour on the Belle of Louisville
25. Did the Velisoraptor an embarrassing number of times in public
26. Said goodbye to a group of amazing teens and two of the best people I know
27. Started a weekly tradition of Thursday night dinners at the Burdettes
28. Watched a meteor shower from the camper
29. Paid off our Visa and 2 store credit cards and started chipping away at our "dumb debt"
30. Launched a new website for the Chamber & Economic Development
31. Went to see Mumford & Sons for Brad’s birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
32. Got an awesome new hair cut & color from my sister-in-law
33. Took our niece to Chuck-E-Cheese’s
34. Went to the Casino in Anderson and won some monies!
35. Ate aussie burgers and solved the world's problems around a campfire with our new Australian friends
36. Started a Couch to 5K running program
37. Won free tickets to NASCA & went to a NASCAR race for the first time ever
38. Visited friends for our yearly ritual at the Evansville Fall Festival (including donut burgers!!)
39. Made 15 gallons of white bean chili and bought 80 pounds of apples for Soup, Stew, Chili & Brew
40. Put on a very successful Soup, Stew, Chili & Brew festival
41. Voted early for the 2012 Presidential election
42. Dressed up as Silent Film stars for a Halloween party
43. Packed our bags and headed to Ireland again, this time for a leadership conference
44. Flew out of New York City a day before Hurricane Sandy blew in
45. Joined the Ulster Project International steering committee
46. Spent Halloween with a group of diverse people who have found enough in common to love each other
47. Had tea with the Lord Mayor of Belfast, a former Ulster Project teen
48. Toured Stormont and met with different sides of the local government in Belfast
49. Visited the peace walls and wrote our own messages of peace, hope, and reconciliation
50. Spent a day at YouthLink, an inter-church organization that provides support and training for youth workers and community relations experiences for young people, on the very day that prison officer David Black was shot by dissident republicans on the M1 on his way to work, a mere 15 miles from where we were
51. Toured the Titanic Belfast Museum, the Titanic Quarter and got a private tour of the studio where they film Game of Thrones
52. Had lunch at the Dock Café, an Honesty Box Café  in which there is no charge for the food but you can make a donation for what you think it’s worth
53. Had dinner with Rev. Kerry Waterstone, who founded the Ulster Project in 1975
54. Went on a scary/sexy tour of the Leprechaun museum in Dublin
55. Watched Skyfall in Ireland before it was released in the US
56. Came  back to America just in time to watch the results of the election
57. Received a $2,000 grant from the Community Foundation to implement our Leadership Development Program in the 2013 Madison Ulster Project
58. Celebrated Thanksgiving with our families
59. Sang drunken karaoke at Beatniks with some old buddies
60. Decorated our new space for Christmas
61. Made a giant world out of pvc pipes, a tarp and spray paint
62. Dressed as post cards and walked in the Very Merry Madison Christmas parade
63. Discovered that someone broke into our storage unit but took nothing
64. Two beautiful little girls came into our lives and we have spent many days watching Dora and playing with blocks and baby dolls
65. Started cooking in the crock pot
66. Watched as our nation picked up the pieces of broken hearts in the wake of a tragedy in Connecticut when a gunman entered an elementary school and killed 26 people including teachers, young students and himself
67. Drove up to Brad's parents' house while they were on vacation to paint and redecorate our niece's room as a Christmas surprise
68. Hung out with my dad as he recovered from his second hip replacement surgery
69. Celebrated my 26th birthday with awesome coworkers then dinner and craft-night with the Burdettes
70. Hot glued over 4 bags of Christmas bows to a party dress and a Goodwill sweater for an ugly Christmas sweater party
71. Brad cooked the traditional family Christmas Eve dinner with an amazing riesling and mustard glazed ham
72. Celebrated Christmas traditions - both new and old - with our families
73. Enjoyed a snow day the day after Christmas
74. Built a snowman with my mom outside my sister's window
75. Ended 2012 with some Modern Family, Scrabble, and Goldschlager and started 2013 with a midnight kiss (followed by a Skype call to our friends in Northern Ireland)

All in all, I would say that all of those things add up to a pretty incredible year. I am looking forward to 2013 where my main goals are to save more money than I spend, burn more calories than I consume, do more for others than I do for myself, and practice resurrection by making ugly things beautiful and bringing dead things back to life. I want to count my blessings each day and not fall victim to the tricks of my mind. I will end with my favorite quote from Donald Miller: “And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?" 

So here's to 2013 - may you and I continue to live a good story, one that is worth retelling, one that we can be proud of when we look back on it in a year's time. 

Peace & Blessings

  

Leaving and Coming Home: Part 2

If you would have told me 6 months ago that I would be traveling to Northern Ireland twice in one year, I would have thought you were crazy. But life has a funny way of surprising you and rewarding you when you least expect it. I feel incredibly blessed with the opportunities Brad and I have been given. 2013 is going to have a hard time topping the many adventures and experiences that 2012 has presented!

While our first trip was incredible and memorable, the second trip will forever hold a special place in my heart. We got to be a part of the initial stages of the Ulster Project Graduate Program. And it opened my eyes to the extreme beauty and darkness that exists within mankind.

Here are some highlights from the trip:

Day 1 – Saturday October 27, 2012
Brad and I were transported to the airport by ever so lovely and wonderful Colleen & McKay Burdette! After a pit-stop at Steak ‘N Shake, we were on our way to Cincinnati, where we had to check an extra bag full of candy and treats for our friends! Things were fairly uneventful, other than the fact that we were leaving New York City as Hurricane Sandy was coming in (we missed her by about a day). The overnight flight to Dublin seemed long and tiresome and I sat next to what I will refer to as the “Seat Nazi.” She was very territorial and I was terrified to get up to use the toilet. But 2 movies, 2 meals and a half a book later, I survived and we landed in Dublin.

Day 2 – Sunday October 28, 2012
We got off the plane and made it through customs (where Brad was accidentally granted a 90 day visa!) and found James and Laura anxious awaiting our arrival! After a loud and joyous reunion, we headed to Enniskillen with some stops to take pictures along the way. Laura skipped church and we all had breakfast together at Wetherspoons. We went on to James’ house to rest and recover from the flight. James had to work at the Crowe’s at 6, so we went with him and met up with Lindsey and Stephen. Brad, Laura and I walked to McDonalds to see some of the previous years’ teens. We walked back to the Crowe’s and helped James close up for the night.

Day 3 – Monday October 29, 2012
This day was full of fun! We met up with last year’s teens at the youth center and celebrated Josh’s birthday - complete with pin the tail on the donkey, cake, candles, air hockey, laughter, and American sweets! Then we all headed across the street to Maude’s for some good food and more laughter. We finished strong at Costa Coffee in the mall and saw even more teens! It was a great day of reliving old memories and creating new ones. We said goodbye to the teens and headed to Wetherspoons for a Quiz, only to discover that it was super lame. But it was still a good day overall!

Day 4 – Tuesday October 30, 2012
Last day in Enniskillen L After packing up the car, we headed to the Enniskillen Castle for a tour. Then I had a coffee date with Colin & Lynne and we had a great time catching up and shedding light on some of the things that happened in the past. It was a very humbling and redeeming conversation and it set the tone for a great ride to Belfast, picking up Les Sage in Omagh on the way. We spent the hour and a half talking about exciting things that are happening in our projects and new ideas for Time of Discovery. It’s a beautiful thing when the “babies” and the “dinosaurs” can come together with their ideas and perspectives. After getting checked into the apartment in Belfast, we met up with more of the Americans at the Crown Pub for a few pints and warm welcomes.

Day 5 – Wednesday October 31, 2012
A Halloween that will not soon be forgotten. We spent the morning at Belfast City Hall with the Lord Mayor, who is a former Ulster Project teen. He talked about how he is using his leadership position to bring the two sides together – a true message of hope for the Ulster Project. Then we went to Stormont to tour the parliament building and meet with different sides of the local government. We visited the peace walls and saw messages of hope and reconciliation and change and we wrote messages of our own. We visited a chapel and prayed to the Prince of Peace to unite us when differences divide. We ended the evening with a group dinner at Made in Belfast, where the food was great and the company was even better! And we all learned a lesson in sharing J

Day 6 – Thursday November 1, 2012
The day started off with the tragic news of a man who was killed on the M1 on his way to work. David Black, a prison officer, was attacked a mere 15 miles from where we were in Belfast. This act of violence was an attempt to stir up the Troubles that exist just beneath the surface. Our group spent the day at YouthLink, an inter-church organization that provides support and training for youth workers and community relations experiences for young people. Our conversations focused on the hopes, fears, purpose and direction of the Ulster Project as we move forward. The death of David Black definitely gave us all a bit of perspective and reminded us that our work with the project is so relevant. I think we were all a little more motivated to continue to break down the barriers and walls in people’s minds. The time flew by and we were all a little sad to see it end. We all reconvened for dinner at the Crown Pub (excellent food shared with friends!) and some of us stuck around afterwards to continue the discussions from earlier.

Brad, James, Laura and I had a bit of a late night, as we met up with Ruairy and another one of James’ friends for some pints and laughs. Well worth the few hours of sleep we got that night!

Day 7 – Friday November 2, 2012
If I had to come up with one word for this day, it would be soggy. A heavy rain poured over us as we toured the Titanic Quarter, but that didn't stop us from having a good time! First, we saw the set where Game of Thrones was filmed. Although I've never seen it, I guess it’s a pretty big deal. Next, we toured the Titanic Drawing Room that is currently not open to the public. This is the room where the plans for the Titanic were written and drawn up. Pretty cool stuff! We also got to see a development model of the future plans for Belfast. Once inside Titanic Belfast, we had tea and coffee to warm up before our self-guided tour through the exhibit began. We got to see the Titanic staircase and all sorts of neat Titanic artifacts and replications. A very cool experience. Next time you’re in Belfast, you should definitely go! We had lunch at The Dock Café, which is best described as “a pop-up coffee shop, art venue and information point, right in the heart of the Titanic Quarter beside SS Nomadic. It’s a space for community, chat, chilling-out, meeting-up…Life in the Titanic Quarter.” They call themselves an Honesty Box Café, in which there is no charge for the food but you can make a donation for what you think it’s worth. Such a neat concept and it’s thriving! Be sure to check them out: http:www.thedockchurch.org

The rest of the afternoon was spent shopping and getting ready for the evening.

Friday night we were joined by Rev. Kerry Waterstone, who founded the Ulster Project in 1975. It was such an incredible experience to witness how things have come full circle since then. He gave a very inspiring speech about why he started the project and how it was still needed today. I feel so honored to be a small part of such a powerful and life-changing program.

We said our goodbyes to the Graduate Program people and headed out for a fun night in Belfast.

Day 8 – Saturday November 3, 2012
We packed up all of our things and had a delicious lunch at Nandos. We did some last-minute shopping before heading out of the city. We had a little bit of an adventure looking for an Asda on our way to Dublin, only to find that the one on the map was not even open yet! We made it to Stephen’s house just in time to catch the train into the City Centre. We met up with Laura’s friends and went on a scary/sexy tour of the leprechaun museum – that was definitely an interesting experience! We had a great night out in Dublin drinking and impressing each other with magic and card tricks. End day 8.

Day 9 – Sunday November 4, 2012
This was a lazy day, but it is just what we needed. The boys didn’t get out of bed until 1:00! We had a nice brunch and then did some shopping and watched Skyfall. We had Thai food back at the house then Brad and I packed up our stuff to leave in the morning L

Day 10 – Monday November 5, 2012
Our trip home was pretty uneventful. We stayed awake most of the flight and watched movies. Once we landed in New York, it was quite evident that our country had gone temporarily insane over the election. I finished reading The Book Thief  in the airport and bawled my eyes out in front of several thousand strangers. That was fun. My parents picked us up in Cincinnati and we ate at Skyline Chili on the way home. We were home by 9:30 and asleep by 10:00 and at work by 8:00 the next morning. To say we were exhausted would be an understatement, but it was well worth every second of it and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Final Reflections: Beauty and darkness. Darkness that exists with the taking of a man’s life as a result of the Troubles, the “peace walls” that still divide the city, and the animosity that is still present just below the surface in Northern Ireland. And in our own country - darkness in the hatred that has been spewed from both sides as a result of this election, and an unwillingness to come together and work things out. But still so much beauty – the beauty that comes from a diverse group of people who have found enough in common to love each other, the beauty of both sides coming to the table with creative imagination to dream up a better world, the beauty of redemption and forgiveness. I have seen a small fragment of the darkness, but I have also seen the brilliant light bursting forth. I have hope for the future. I believe another world is possible. And I believe that we are the ones that can make it happen if we continue to work together. 

Love & Peace,

Katie 

"Settling Down Without Settling"

I recently read an article in Relevant Magazine entitled "Settling Down Without Settling." It would be an understatement to say that this article spoke to my soul. I would plagiarize the whole thing here if I could. But I figured it would be best to paraphrase the key points and add in some of my own thoughts. So here it goes. This is where I have been lately - in a strange place between "young adult" and "grown up." And somehow I got lost in the transition, like I missed an exit or something. 

I have mentioned this in a previous blog post, but I feel like I have spent my whole life waiting. In high school I was always waiting for college. Once I reached the milestone of graduation and finally made it to college, I found myself waiting there too. I was waiting for my chance to change the world once I graduated. After college, I was waiting for find a job, get married, start a life.
Now my real life is here. The only thing is, it looks nothing like I thought that it would. Brad and I have been living in Madison for the past 2 years, and it seems like we have settled here - at least for the foreseeable future. Which means we won't be in the dozens of other places we'd like to be. We won't live every alternative life we've envisioned for ourselves. 

The word "settle" is terrifying to me. As the Relevant article said, "it often precedes those ugly words 'for less.' It carries with it that frightening connotation of compromise, like letting the person you love slip away while you marry someone else." And then they posed this question: Is it inevitable we settle like that?

We both went to a college where the phrase "World Changer" was drilled into us. For four years (five for Brad!) we were told to dream  big, that we could go anywhere, do anything, and be anyone. I remember one professor telling us that God would be disappointed in us if our dreams were too small. I think that is why the reality of our situation has hit me so hard. The truth is, we have limits. With the debt of our college degrees hanging over our heads, the big dreams and world changing lifestyle seem too far to reach. We have to pay the bills. In the pursuit of all these things, we have become ordinary. 

Our hearts ache with fresh memories of the townships in South Africa, the faces of orphans in Haiti, and the body of Christ that we feel so connected to which is spread around the world. We try to find community here. It comes in the form of weekly dinners with new friends that uplift our souls. Everyday we go off to our jobs and deal with the different stresses that each one brings. We make decisions about how to spend/save our money so one day we can feel like we are making it on our own. 

The following paragraph is a direct quote from the article, because it was too true for me to change in any way.

WHO DOESN’T FEEL SORT OF TRAPPED? WHO ISN’T ASKING, “IS THIS ALL THERE IS”?

"We look around at people who have been on this normal route for longer than we have, and it’s scary how many are disappointed. Many are married, many have homes and several have children. Many wish their jobs paid just a little more. Some struggle to stay afloat, needing two wage-earners in the home even when one spouse would love to stay home or volunteer more. Others feel lonely and wish they could move closer to a church, friends or family. Who doesn’t feel sort of trapped? Who isn’t asking, 'Is this all there is'?"

So we have given ourselves this challenge - make the ordinary into an adventure. We want to choose to live and notice amazing days, right in the here and now. And so while we are living with my parents, we also take weekend trips to visit friends and re-energize. We sit out by the fire in the evenings and try to spend more time talking to people than watching stuff on Netflix. We are embracing the Dave Ramsey way of life and turning the envelope method into a monthly challenge to do better with our finances. We are pouring ourselves into the Ulster Project because we believe in it. And at the end of October, we get to return to Northern Ireland because God is faithful!

In all this, we remember inspiring voices of people we’ve met in stricter circumstances who live out the same values of community, generosity and intentionality. I think of my friends in South Africa who settled into a township to care for the children of Linawo Children's home. Brad thinks of his missionary friends in Haiti who have dedicated themselves to providing love, hope, and a future to the people of La Gonave. They remind us that settling down doesn’t have to mean settling for less.

I will end with the closing statement from the article in Relevant. "We owe it to people in the hard places to not settle for a comfortable status quo here. We owe it to them—and to ourselves—to live intentionally, to live generously, to live an adventure in the everyday ordinary."

When I Look at the Stars

A lot of things in my life don't make sense right now. Of course, I can rationalize why these things are happening but I still have this uncertainty in the pit of my stomach. My main concern is this: I am almost 26 years old and I haven't figured out how to be an adult. There's a list of things in my head that adults should be able to do and I fall short on almost every one. I'm sure things will start to come together and it will all make sense someday, but for the moment I feel like I'm shooting in the dark.

Speaking of shooting in the dark, last night there was a meteor shower in my backyard. In fact, it was the Perseid Meteor Shower that occurs each year in late July and early August when our planet passes through the dusty remains of some comet or something. I don't know science. But I do know that between the hours of 3 and 4 am I watched over 15 shooting stars fly across the night sky. In the pre-dawn moments, I realized that I am a tiny tiny piece in a great big universe. My life is so small and seemingly insignificant compared to the cosmos. I find a sense of peace in knowing that - that even though I am a speck in the grand scheme of things, I am still loved and cared for. It reminds me of a song/poem by Bradley Hathaway:

Look up, look up, look up into the sky, love

You see that moon shining so high up above us?

It rolls around on account of a bunch of scientific stuff

I like to think it does just because He loves us. 

(I did not take the above photo. I just wanted to share its beauty.)

Basically what I'm trying to say is this: Each day is a blessing because I am alive and breathing and surrounded by people who love me, most of the time unconditionally. Even though my life is small in comparison, I play a significant role in the lives of others around me. It feels good to know that I am connected to something that is so much bigger than anything I could imagine. Even if it doesn't all make sense right now...  

Peace and an Unpeaceful Me

Ulster Project season is almost here. I can smell it in the air. I can feel it in my bones. In a little more than 24 hours a group of teens are going to step onto a plane for a journey that will change their lives. And each year that I participate, I too am changed. A little piece of me gets closer to the way things God intended. We all see a clearer picture of what the Kingdom of Heaven would look like here on earth. The Prince of Peace gives us a glimpse of what is spoken in Isaiah 2:4, "He will judge between the nations and will settle disputes for many peoples. They will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not take up sword against nation, nor will they train for war anymore." 

I am amazed and humbled at how unqualified I am to teach other people about peace and reconciliation. If we want to see peace in the world, it has to start from within. You can ask Brad or others who are close to me - I am not always the most peaceful person. My patience is thin and my tongue quick to lash out. My soul is restless. In the past few days alone I have learned more than I ever thought I could about remaining peaceful in a time of unrest and turmoil. And let me tell you, it is much easier said than done.   

Peace is a lofty and noble goal, but it will never fully be achieved on this earth. I believe that people are innately good, but we have hardened over the years and some of us have lost touch with that soft side. We have forgotten how good it is to feel for people other than ourselves. And that is the opposite of peace: not violence or war, but the idea that we are all islands fighting to stand our own ground. It will not be until we remember that we are all an interconnected mass - one body - that peace can even be within our reach. Co-existence maybe. But Christ did not die so that His children could co-exist. After all, He is the Prince of Peace.  

Rest

We spent today cleaning out the garage and getting the rest of our things out of the house and into storage. It feels strange to be done with that place and even stranger still is the idea that we're not exactly sure what our next steps are. Transition is a difficult place to be in. But it is also very freeing.

In all of the sorting I came across some of my old journals. I always find it very enlightening (and amusing!) to look back on where I have been. One of the entries I read today stopped me in my tracks. How could something that I wrote 5 years ago still be so relevant in my life today? The topic was on rest and the Sabbath. We know the drill - we are supposed to work diligently for 6 days and rest on the 7th. But what happens when life is so fast-paced and so busy that we forget to rest? We are so involved and responsible for so many things that demand our time and our attention, even on the Sabbath. It would be irresponsible for us to rest. Right? The problem with this busy lifestyle is that it messes up the rhythm of life, and it takes away from one of the most beautiful gifts God has ever given us - rest. When God commands the Sabbath in Exodus 20, it is right after the Israelites left Egypt, where they were slaves. By establishing the Sabbath, God is telling his people, "You are not in Egypt anymore. Your value is not in how much you can do. Your value is in who you are. I command you one day of rest so you can remember you are free." This was an extremely difficult reminder for me tonight. And what comes next is even more difficult to swallow. It is a quote from Messy Spirituality that I wrote in my journal on June 5, 2007:

"We do know how to rest; we simply refuse to rest. Rest is a decision we make. Rest is choosing to do nothing when we have too much to do, slowing down when we feel pressure to go faster, stopping instead of starting. Rest is listening to our weariness and responding to our tiredness, not to what is making us tired. Rest is what happens when we say one simple word: No. Rest is the ultimate humiliation because in order to rest, we must admit we are not necessary, that the world can get along without us, that God's work does not depend on us. Once we understand how unnecessary we are, only then might we find the right reasons to say yes...."

If you need me tonight, I'll be resting.

Love & Marriage

Today marks the anniversary of our second year of marriage. I dedicate this post to my husband.

The past two years have been an incredible journey for us. I couldn't have asked for anyone better to share my life with. I have come up with a list of things I love about being married to you.

• Two years of fighting over the covers at night and waking up next to you each morning.
• All the time we have spent dreaming and planning together.
• Our ongoing discussion about which food has more uses: the potato or the tomato.
• Watching you cook.
• All of our friends in Seattle, Scranton, Pawnee, and all across the television world.
• All of our road trips to see our real friends in Indianapolis, Pennsylvania, Evansville, South Carolina, Bloomington, etc.
• Raising Tuna Charlie with you!
• Watching our niece grow up.
• Fortnight Fort Night.
• Law & Order SVU marathons.
• Our walks downtown.
• Our trip to Ireland and our many adventures there.
• Two crazy, stressful, incredible, and exhausting July's of Ulster Project - and one on the way!
• Watching you step up and grow as a leader.
• Dressing up as Shrek and Fiona.
• Whitewater rafting with you on our anniversary last year (and watching you save my parents when they both fell out into the rapids!!)

There are too many memories to list on this page, and hopefully many more to come. Happy anniversary, habibti!

Wednesday Inspiration

Stole this from a friend. Just a little inspiration to get you through Wednesday.

Where Your Treasure Is...

Dave Ramsey has complete taken over my life. I can't even walk into a store without thinking "is this Dave Ramsey approved?" I cling to my brown envelope system and make every dollar stretch until the next payday. I am definitely becoming the nerd of the relationship - monthly budget and all! I think Dave would be proud of how far we have come in the past 13 weeks, since we first began Financial Peace University. It has been a lifestyle change for us and I hope we can keep this gazelle intensity until the day when we are finally able to say "I'M DEBT FREE!!!!!!!"

With all this talk and focus on money lately, I keep going back a verse in Matthew: where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. What does that mean exactly? If I were to take it literally, it would mean that my heart is in a savings account, or being doled out to different masters each month. At first, this was hard for me to grasp. It seemed incredibly selfish and almost counter-Biblical. But after several tough conversations, I have come to realize a few things:

1. Money is a tool. It does not define who you are. Having it is nice, but it does not necessarily make you happy. I think managing your money (even if you don't have very much!) is the key to happiness and financial peace.

2. Motivation is key. Planning for your future does not mean you are selfish. It means that you have a plan. If your motivation for saving money is to hoard or be a miser, then you are in trouble. A wise friend compared it to the parable of the talents. God wants to see us build it up in order to take care of others. Giving is a key part of Dave Ramsey's plan as well.

3. Don't lose hope. Ten more years of student loan debt seems extremely overwhelming to me right now, but with the debt snowball and some personal sacrifices we can pay it off early and be debt free by the time we are 35 - which sounds pretty good to me!

4. Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. After much soul searching, I have found this saying to be true. A majority of our monthly income goes to student loan debt and I get so caught up paying the bills that I don't stop to think about why. We both went to college. We had four + years of incredible learning experience, and we met people who will be our friends for life. We had experiences that have forever changed our worldview. My heart is in the pod watching hours of Friends with my mater. It is in the lobby making forts and at McConn having serious conversations instead of writing papers. It is in the midnight walks to Circle K and the all night homework sessions at Southside. We both had the opportunity to travel overseas and see that the world is bigger than our own backyard. These are the memories that Sallie Mae cannot take away from me. These are the things I treasure.

So, friends, I leave you with this: I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want [Philippians 4:12].

Leaving and Coming Home

It has been one week since I stepped off the plane back on to American soil. Seven days of yawning and blankly staring and readjusting to the reality that is my life. You can blame it on jet-lag, but I have come up with the term "Post-travel Depression." I am becoming all too familiar with this restlessness within calling me to my next adventure.

I feel incredibly blessed to have been able to experience so much of the world at the age of 25. But the more places I go, the more I want to see. I'm afraid that this sense of adventure for what lies beyond is causing me to miss what is right in front of me. Don't get me wrong - Madison is a beautiful place to come home to. It seems like everything bloomed while we were gone.

Spring is here, and with the changing of the colors I am reminded that I must change too. I must adapt to my environment and learn to thrive right where I am. A flower is beautiful and can remain beautiful because of the simple fact that it has roots. Despite my wanderlust, I too have roots that must be nurtured in order for me to grow.

Now, before I get too sentimental I wanted to share with you some highlights of my trip!!!!!!!

Day 1 - March 13, 2012
We arrived in Dublin at 7 am local time after a brief and restless sleep in the airplane. But we were ready to go! After waiting for James in the airport, he finally came and we headed out to see Dublin. We decided a bus tour was the best way to see all the sights. We stopped at Trinity College to have a look around and ran into some people we met in the airport - it's a small world! We continued on the tour and stopped again at the Guinness Factory, where we got to take a tour and enjoy a pint (well, some of us). Brad fell asleep when we got back on the bus so we decided to head to the Hill of Tara on our way to Enniskillen. Driving into town, we ran into Mark Campbell! Tiredness began to set it, so we ordered pizza and stayed in for the rest of the evening. Early to bed. End day 1. 

Day 2 - March 14, 2012

We started off this day with a drive around Enniskillen. James took us to the top of a big hill (mountain maybe?) to see the view. Incredible. We jumped off of some rocks then we got back in the car and drove to an old castle. We climbed around and took pictures like we were in a band. Then James had a meeting at the mall so we walked around. We ate lunch at Mauds then did a walking tour of Enniskillen, where we ran into the second kid - Alanah! James had to work at night so we went to visit him at the pub. He got off work early so he gave us a little Irish drinking lesson ;) Let's just say it was a late night... End day 2.

Day 3 - March 15, 2012

We got off to a late start today, but James took us to his actual village where we got to meet his mom and talk to the classes at her school. We also got to meet his grandparents. He took us to an old water mill that he dreams of turning in to a theatre. We encountered some sheep in a field, so we quickly left. We continued our driving tour and ended up having lunch at the Red Pepper! We arrived at the Giants Causeway at sunset and it took our breath away. We climbed down on the rocks and sat in awe of the beauty. We drove to the rope bridge, but it was closed so we left for Belfast. We checked in to our hotel then scoured the town for some food. Best fish and chips ever. Went to Tesco and James bought an airmattress/sleeping bag combo. Back to the hotel for snore-fest 2012. End day 3. 

Day 4 - March 16, 2012

Today was a day full of fun in Belfast. We met Fr. John in the morning and had coffee with him at his parish. It was so refreshing to hear his stories about Ulster. His passion is contagious. He sent us off with well wishes to see the peace walls. We went on a brief driving tour and stopped at a divided park before meeting Johnny for lunch at the John Hughes Pub - amazing food and company! We did some shopping in Belfast then drove through the puddles to see more murals and the new Titanic exhibit. After a very tiring day, we drove to Portadown to have dinner with Mario, Maura, Keith, Jennifer, and Patricia. It is people like these that remind me that there is still hope for humanity. We headed back to Enniskillen and the boys went out for some pints. Kim and I spent some time with our friends Katniss and Peeta. End day 4.

Day 5 - March 17, 2012

ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!! Lindsey picked me up in the morning for some girl time. She showed me the bakery where she works and we went shopping in her village. She took me to a place called The Watermill Restaurant and we enjoyed lattes and an amazing view. We went to her house (McDonald Farm) and her mum made breakfast for us :) We met the others in town for the parade!! Some UP kids found us outside of the Crowe's Nest and we all watched the parade together. Good times! We went back to the house to rest up before a long night in town. James' housemates had some friends over so we did some pre

Day 6 - March 18, 2012

Today was another slow start. When we finally got moving, we went to Omagh and visited the Ulster American Folk Park. We walked around in little villages and saw what it was like in the good ole days. We were a little tired and a little crabby and a lot hungry so James took us to a fine dining establishment. Only it took FOREVER and then our chicken was dry - first world problems. We got home just in time to take a nap. James went to work and the rest of us chilled. Housemates took us out for some Chinese carryout, complete with chips. You can never have too many potatoes! End day 6.

Day 7 - March 19, 2012

I really can't remember how this day started. All I know is that we ended up at some BEAUTIFUL cliffs and we got to see an Irish beach :) I think I found my next summer home! We visited a friary and got bracelets with the saints on them, then we had lunch at The Thatch in Belleek. Belleek Pottery was next where we did some shopping and had tea with James' mum! We got all caught up on the family gossip then headed back to Enniskillen to meet up with some past UP teens. It was a great way to spend our last  night in Northern Ireland. Except for packing. Packing sucks because it means you have to leave. End day 7.

Day 8 - March 20, 2012

The trip home was long and they almost didn't let Brad on the plane in Chicago. But everything worked out and we arrived home in one piece - minus the pieces of our hearts that are still across the pond. Peace out Ireland - we'll see you in a few years!

For corresponding pictures, please see my albums on facebook.

Love and peace,

Katie

Heavy Heart

I have had a lot on my mind today and my heart is heavy. I don’t know if you have noticed or not, but the internet is exploding with updates about KONY 2012. If you haven’t watched this video yet, you should. It is well worth 30 minutes of your life. It has sparked in me an inner conversation about passion and purpose that I feel like I must express. 

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To me, the video is about so much more than a bad bad man who must be caught and brought to justice. It is about a movement - people getting behind a cause they believe in and refusing to be silenced. It is about becoming one voice and shedding light on injustice and bringing hope to the invisible children in Uganda and all across Africa.

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I came home from South Africa in 2009 with a fire in my belly to change the world. I had dreams of going back to Cape Town and telling the world about the people I met - their tragic and beautiful stories that would otherwise go untold. Slowly but surely, my life went on. 

            I got a job. 

                   I got engaged. 

                           I got comfortable. 

But it was like my life was in a constant state of reverse culture shock. I could not reconcile the things that I had seen and the stories I heard with the abundant life in America. I saw so much greed when I came home and so much entitlement. But I told myself that I had to get over it and get on with my life. I felt like I was wasting time and disappointing God by not being able to come to terms with what He was trying to teach me. It sent me into a downward spiral of depression and guilt. 

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I started meeting with a mentor and I would sit in his office and just cry because I didn’t have words to express what I was feeling. Eventually we were able to have speak and he challenged me with the question: why? 

Why did life have to go on the way it did before I went to Africa? 

Why was it okay to go back to “normal” life? 

The short answer is, it’s not okay. 

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Because I have the knowledge of injustice in this world, it is my responsibility to do something about it. Now, we could debate for hours exactly what that should look like, but the fact is 

I am responsible.

                                                                                                  

I think that is why people are so up in arms about this video and the whole KONY 2012 campaign. They don’t like for their little worlds to be opened up and exposed to these things. But here’s the thing - this world has extremely dark places that cannot be escaped or explained away. 

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And we have a choice. We can either choose to stay informed and speak out and take action, or we can choose to sit idly by allowing our complacency to dictate our lives. My choice is to stand. It is to be a voice for the voiceless and to empower the powerless. This whole thing teaches us that we can respond. We can move. We can change reality.

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This is my passion. This is my calling. And it is my earnest prayer that my life will plant seeds of peace and justice. 

Too Little, Too Late

I always think of the right thing to say after the situation has already passed. Usually this just means missing a punch line or some sort of witty reply. But tonight it came in the form of immediate regret. I have been a volunteer mentor at the juvenile correctional facility for nearly two years. I have been mentoring the same girl for the past year and a half. In that time, none of her family has come to visit. No letters have been sent. Two birthdays have come and gone without word from the ones who gave her life. Two Thanksgivings, Christmases, Easters, Halloweens, 4th of Julys. And now they want to send her home - to a place of abuse, neglect, drugs, hatred, and fear. Tonight, during our last visit, one of her friends asked if I loved her. My response was awkward silence followed by, “ummmm uh, that’s a weird question to ask.” Not my finest moment. What I wanted to say - what I should have said but couldn’t, was “Yes. Of course I love her. I think of her as a sister. I want what’s best for her, I want to see her succeed.” I wanted to tell her how strong and brave she is considering everything she has been through. Now I’m afraid she’ll never know. I’m afraid she’ll never know that life doesn’t have to be dark and lonely. There can be so much good. In my perfect world I would take her home with me and show her all the things she has missed out on by being placed in an impossibly hard life from the start. In that perfect world, she would know love and acceptance and she wouldn’t have to fight for attention. But we are stuck in this world - the one that is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. In this world, her dad called and told her that he didn’t want to come get her. In this world, Monday (the day of her supposed release) will come and she will wait for a father who probably won’t show up. And my life will go on too, because in this world it has to. Right now I am struggling to reconcile these two worlds - the one that exists now and the one that I know will someday come.

I want to believe that things will work out, that despite her doubts her family will come and there will be a joyous reunion.

I hold on to the hope that the world we are currently living in - with all the pain and destruction and disappointment - will not last forever.