The 40 days of Lent have come and gone so quickly. And I am filled with the regret of all the promises made that I did not fulfill. I am Peter. Although I do not deny with words, but with deeds - and to be honest, I’m not sure which one is worse. I am stuck in Saturday - the day in which my Savior is dead. For if it were Sunday, and Christ had risen from the grave, how could my life remain the same? How could my heart still choose itself over the One who died to give it life?
My wise husband tells me that giving things up for Lent (or taking on new things in my case) is about the spirit of the law instead of the law itself, and I think he has a point. God wants our sacrifice, but He does not want it to be out of obligation alone. He is more concerned with our heart, and with our desire to please Him. And so, at the end of the day (or 40 days), I want to hide my face in shame and weep bitterly because of all the times I denied Him- just like Peter.
I am reminded of Pope John Paul II when he writes in his book Crossing the Threshold of Hope about Peter’s denial of Christ. He says that Christ told several people throughout His life to “Be not afraid!” Pope John Paul II says1:
“Of what should we not be afraid? We should not fear the truth about ourselves. One day Peter became aware of this and with particular energy he said to Jesus: “Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man” (Lk 5:8).
Peter was not the only one who was aware of this truth. Every man has learned it...Every one of us is indebted to Peter for what he said on that day: “Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man.” Christ answered him: “Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men” (Lk 5:10)...Peter was not afraid of God who had become a man. He was afraid, instead, for the Son of God as a man. Peter could not accept that He would be whipped and crowned with thorns and finally crucified. Peter could not accept that. He was afraid. And for this Christ severely reproached him, but He did not reject him.
Peter had goodwill and a fervent heart and Christ did not reject him, this man who at Gethsemane even drew his sword in order to defend his Master. Jesus only said to him: “Simon, Simon, behold Satan has demanded to sift all of you like wheat, but I have prayed...and once you have turned back, you must strengthen your brothers” (cf. Lk 22:31-32). Christ did not reject Peter; He valued his profession of faith at Caesarea Philippi and, with the power of the Holy Spirit, he led him through His Passion and beyond his denial.
Peter as a man, demonstrated that he was not capable of following Christ everywhere, and especially not to death. After the Resurrection, however he was the first of the apostles to realize, together with John, that Christ’s body was not in the tomb. Even after the Resurrection, Christ confirmed Peter’s mission. He said meaningfully: “Feed my lambs...Tend my sheep” (Jn 21:15-16)...Thanks to the work of the Holy Spirit, Christ could have confidence in Peter, He could lean on him...”
Easter is the pinnacle of the Christian faith - “messiahs” are born every day (Presidents, Kings, Religious Leaders) but the true Messiah dies selflessly out of love for all people. The Lenten season is one of remembrance. We are to remember Christ’s sacrifice for us by becoming closer to his suffering through sacrificing or giving up something that holds us back from the Kingdom of G-d. Some of us choose to give up things that are barriers that keep us from experiencing the fullness of Christ and some of us choose to give up things that are superficial (like chocolate or beef jerky). Ultimately, it is not what you give up but about becoming closer to Christ through suffering.
In knowing the true meaning of the Lenten season, we must also realize that it is a time to become closer to G-d. But sometimes we act like Peter and push Christ away instead of embracing Him and His Love. But this is the Beauty of Easter and the Resurrection of Christ. G-d shows us that, like Peter, our hearts can be turned from fear into love. Let us pray that the work of the Holy Spirit will carry us past our denial and make it possible for Christ to have confidence in us, to lean on us as heirs to the Kingdom of G-d. Together, let us move out of Saturday and fear and denial and into the glorious resurrection of Sunday.
1 Pope John Paul II, and Vittorio Messori. ""The Pope": A Scandal and a Mystery." Crossing the Threshold of Hope. New York: Knopf, 1994. 5-9. Print.
