We Aren't In Kansas Anymore

It has been a week ago today that we completed the long journey home from Kansas for the Ulster Project International Conference. Though several days have passed, it seems like just yesterday we were sitting in that room with 70+ other Ulster people geeking out over Ulster stuff. Pure bliss. We were surrounded by people who understood the reason behind what we pour ourselves into year after year; and our passion was matched by a multitude of dedicated volunteers who have given much of their time, talent, and treasures to the same cause. I have been trying to decide how I wanted to sum up the experience. I felt like it needed to be put into writing to cement the whole learning process. As I was reading through my notes, I realized that sharing those would be enough. There is no statement or paragraph or blog post that can express the following words of wisdom more purely. While the context here is the Ulster Project and the Troubles in Northern Ireland, I believe these are universal truths that can be applied in almost any situation. Here’s what I learned: 

Old attitudes die very hard. 

Deep wounds and broken hearts need healing. 

Both sides are in desperate need of God’s grace. 

Logic breaks down when one group fails to recognize the importance of the other’s identity.

Sometimes we have to ask ourselves if our actions bring peace or just poke the other in the eye?

How do we deal with our sad past? Who are the victims? Who are the perpetrators? 

Can we cherish the sincerely held beliefs of others? Can we enjoy them? Can we get over the past? 

Reconciliation is a process through which a society moves 

from a broken past to a shared future. 

It takes courage to swim against the stream. 

It takes courage to criticize your own side when they are in the wrong.

What is the value of the Ulster Project? It’s like the cement in the peace process. We are building bricks that will pave the way. 

The past is over but we continue to carry the trauma.

Our worldview does not contain the whole truth. 

We don’t have the bombs and the bullets but we still have our own issues to work through. 

None of us are right, but there might be a little bit of right in all of us. 

Seek first to understand than to be understood.

You could run a marathon around the peace walls of Belfast - 44 walls, running 26 miles.

Who is my neighbor? Loving your neighbor takes courage. 

Loving your neighbor takes effort. Loving your neighbor costs. 

We live in a world that is divided. There is greater disparity 

between rich and poor, black and white. Hatred is on the rise. The Ulster Project is needed now more than ever. 

Of course there were sessions on the practical and logistical parts as well - programming, fundraising, host families, selection process, etc. But this is what I want to take home. This is what we should all take home. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what your Project budget is, or how you train your counselors and transport your teens. In the words of Oscar Romero, it boils down to this, “We plant the seeds that one day will grow. We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise. We lay foundations that will need further development. We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities.”

That is what we need to carry with us as we continue our work with the Ulster Project. We are not in Kansas anymore. We are not surrounded by a collection of people working for the same cause. It may seem like we are cut off from our support system, but that is not the case. We are all connected and when we come together we have the potential to change the world.

Romero’s prayer continues, “We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and to do it very well. It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord's grace to enter and do the rest. We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker. We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs. We are prophets of a future not our own.”

My hope is that we can take what we learned at conference and hold on to that fire within us. May we never grow tired of working for a greater cause, for a peaceful future is within our grasp if we continue with perseverance. We are the role models setting the stage for a brighter tomorrow. I hope I never lose the feeling of humility and gratitude that comes with being a part of the Ulster Project. 

An Ode to Gegdall Phaghette

I met Kendall my freshman year of high school. I don’t remember the details – I just know that it was an instant connection. We were soul friends. It’s like we had been waiting to come into each other’s lives and complete each other’s stories. Almost instantly we were sharing everything from laughs to secrets, memories to clothes. We also shared a love for school cafeteria chicken sandwiches with at least 5 packets of ketchup, laffy taffy, and fast break bars. But my favorite thing we shared was the nickname we came up with for our friendship - Gegdall Phaghette. Gegdall is a combination of our last names (pronounced Geg-dale) and Phaghette is a word we made up to symbolize the love we had for each other (I guess? I'm not entirely sure of the logic, but I'm sure she would have remembered.)

We took a Creative Writing class together in high school. I found some of our creations last night and couldn't help but laugh at how random (and weird!) we were. But that's how our friendship was. She was a person I could be crazy with and not have to worry about impressing - which is pretty rare in the High School world. She was like that with most people. She had the ability to make someone feel like the most valued person on the planet. So this is my ode to her and the memories we shared. 

Tripper Stripper

Kendall and I were in Show Choir together. That's where most of our shenanigans happened. A series of unfortunate events led me to one of my favorite Kendall memories. 1) I fell off a riser at one of our last show choir performances. I was smiling and waving to the crowd after we had taken our bows and I didn't realize that the platform had ended. I walked right off and landed on my face. Of course, Kendall was there to laugh at me and pick me back up. 2) One of our costumes was just a pair of stretchy black pants and a plain black shirt. For some reason during one of the songs they put me in the front row. Part of the choreography was to crouch down and turn around. In the process, my pants slid down and revealed my bright orange underwear to the entire audience! I still haven't lived that one down. 3) During a final dress rehearsal we were practicing the lifts. While I was in the air I had a major wardrobe malfunction and revealed my entire top half!!! Because of these three things, Kendall helped come up with my superlative at the end of the year and presented me with the "Tripper Stripper" award. Instead of a trophy, I received a one-legged topless Barbie, which I still have in my possession! She loved to tell that story.

Laffy Taffy

Every day at lunch we would walk down to the Cubbie Hole (or whatever that place is called) and get Laffy Taffy. We had a notebook that we passed back and forth, taking turns writing notes to each other. And every day we would write down the Laffy Taffy jokes from the wrapper. When the jokes were duplicated, we would put a tally mark next to it in the book. I have searched my house high and low for this book in the past few days, but it is missing. I would give anything to find it and laugh at ourselves again. She would have appreciated that. 

Reme & Mber

After 9/11 we wanted to make a statement on the anniversary of the event, so we got creative. We made matching shirts - one said reme, the other said mber - but we had to be standing next to each other for them to make sense. Remember. We also got yellow boxers with airplanes on them to wear outside of our pants, but that didn't go over too well. We both got in trouble before 1st block! I can't find the tshirt or pictures to commemorate this event, but I will always remember. She was my other half.  

Kentucky Kingdom & Rascal Flatts 

At some point during our friendship I got tickets to see the Rascal Flatts at the Kentucky State Fair which included passes to Kentucky Kingdom. Kendall was my friend of choice and we had a blast riding roller coasters and singing along to our favorite Rascal Flatts songs. We even participated in a Karaoke sing-off! If my memory serves me right, I think we made it to the second round! 

Wedding Shopping

We kind of lost touch after I went off to college and she got married. But we reconnected when I moved back to Madison. We definitely weren't as close, but we still hung out on occasion. I remember taking her shopping with me to get stuff for my wedding. The trip was full of wedding/marriage advice and how to have a happy marriage.   

There are far too many memories for me to list them all here. And I am sure many more will flood back to me in the days to come. But for now, as I remember my dear friend, it is with a smile and a tear. Her life was beautiful but it ended too soon. It’s hard to believe that the world is still spinning madly on without her in it. I know we weren't as close towards the end of her life, and part of me feels guilty for that. We just grew apart. I am comforted by a quote that I found, and this is how I will end my ode to Amanda Kendall Vest: 

“Growing apart doesn't change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I'm glad for that.”

Dear Thirteen-Year-Old Me

When I was in Jr. High, I stopped eating. I pushed food around on my plate and made excuses for why it wasn't consumed. Maybe it was to prove that I could do it - that I had control over something in my life. A boy that I liked asked another girl to a school dance. And deep down, I knew it was somehow my fault. If I were prettier, skinnier, funnier, etc. he would have picked me.

It was a mental thing mostly, and very confusing. My fear was that I would be exposed; that everyone would see my flaws and recognize me as the person I saw when I looked in the mirror. However, what I really wanted was for someone to notice me.

It didn't last long. Eventually I convinced myself to eat again, but I still hated the image of myself that was reflected in the mirror. I have survived by surrounding myself with people who see the good in me, even when I can't see it myself. My life is filled with people who remind me of the beauty that exists within - and even outside - of me.

I think of the thirteen-year-old me and all the things I would tell her now. I would tell her that the shape of her spirit is not defined by the shape of her body - that her worth is not marked by a body mass index or numbers on a scale. I wish I could tell her that in time these things are easier to believe, but to be honest these demons are still chasing me.

Despite how far I have come, there is still a thirteen year old version of myself just beneath the surface. She whispers to me every time I undress. She scoffs as I put on makeup to cover my flaws. She mocks me when I eat a candy bar for breakfast. (To be fair, I should be mocked for that last one!)

I have realized something lately - it is not flesh or muscle that make up the shape of a person. It is words. And the words I have been using to define myself lately are not very flattering. I have been letting the thirteen-year-old version of myself speak louder than the truth. The truth is that fat is not a feeling. In the words of another blogger,

Contrary to what we are led to believe,
‘I feel fat’ doesn't describe what’s at the source.
So let’s ban the word from our emotional inventory
And let’s start to talk about what’s really going on.
Let’s get into the real conversation
About how we use our bodies to measure what’s wrong.
Let’s stop using our mass index to determine our worth.
Let’s banish the term from our heart’s vernacular
And let’s use the full extent of our vocabulary to get down to our truth.

And that truth begins by erasing all the words that have torn me apart. And building a new world founded on the words “I am beautiful.”

In Community

I am confident that God has an extremely ironic and twisted sense of humor. Sometimes the things that we pray for manifest themselves in our lives in ways we couldn't possibly dream up ourselves. The following story is a case in point. Ever since college it has been my dream to live in community. I had visions of a large house shared among friends with separate sleeping quarters and lots of common living space - a concept similar to the Simple Way Community, where life is shared together. I found this beautiful description of community on their website, "We believe that humanity is created for community. God is a community, a Trinity, a plurality of oneness. And we are created in that image. Jesus modeled this community with His disciples, as He lived and as He sent them out and taught them to live. We wish to return to the community like that of the early church in Acts 2:42-47 and Acts 4:32-35. We believe that in this type of community, reconciliation happens. God is establishing a new community, a new Kingdom." (www.thesimpleway.org). 

Needless to say, I have been scheming up ways in my head of how to implement this type of community in my life. After several feeble attempts, it became clear that my friends were not willing to move to Madison, and I was hesitant to move away. Due to a series of events and a few courses of Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, Brad and I packed up our things and our pride and moved in with my parents (who we affectionately refer to as "roommates"). There was an overwhelming sense of defeat with this move - like we were somehow failing at the basics of life. But we adjusted to our new reality and decided to make the best of it.

A few months later (ok more like 6...time is flying!!) two beautiful little girls and their mother entered our lives. We could feel the shift in our hearts almost immediately. We wanted to help their situation in any way that we could. Little did I know at the time, our help would also be the answer to my prayer for community. On Super Bowl Sunday, our house of four became a house of seven and we have been learning what it means for our lives to collide. We know there will be trials, but we also know that there will be beauty and redemption and fresh starts. We are establishing a new Kingdom.

The purpose of Christianity is not to live perfect lives in order to spend eternity in Heaven. It is to do what we can to bring Heaven to earth, even if that means we must co-exist with hell on earth. During my time in South Africa, I had the incredible opportunity to learn from the Xhosa tribe. In their language there is a word - Ubuntu. It means "I am because we are." This one word sums up why it is essential for us to share life in community.

Here's To A Good Story in 2013

My mind is a funny thing. It likes to play tricks on me - it often tells me that I am stuck in a rut, that my life is meaningless and that I have no purpose. It compares my accomplishments to those around me and makes me feel guilty for not achieving more. During one of my emotional self-pity-parties I decided to take inventory on the things that I had accomplished in 2012. This was a very humbling and eye-opening exercise. I realized that the daily drudge of my life has shielded my view of the incredible blessings and opportunities that Brad and I have been given in the past 12 months. Once these blinders were removed, I began to take stock of what we are so lucky to have and be truly thankful. I have decided to share the list below, in hopes that it inspires you to carefully consider your own life and remember how blessed you are. 

In 2012 we....

1. Rang in the new year painting at my sister’s new house
2. I made the front page of the Madison Courier as one of Madison’s top 10 young people
3. Moved my sister in to her college house
4. Signed up for Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University
5. Visited some people that we love in South Carolina
6. Climbed in the ruins of an old castle
7. Spent St. Patrick’s Day in Northern Ireland
8. Got chased by some sheep in a field in Ireland
9. Brad officiated the wedding of his sister
10. Paid $1,000 in taxes
11. Completed Dave Ramsey's Step 1
12. Took my sister to her senior prom
13. Ordered a pallet of bottled water from Lowe’s 
14. Saw Over the Rhine with our friends at the folk festival
15. Moved in with my parents
16. Celebrated our second anniversary
17. Watched my sister graduate from High School
18. Went camping with my mater and Corey
19. Welcomed the 2012 Ulster Project teens to Madison as Presidents of the organization and Time of Discovery leaders
20. Slept in cardboard boxes for the second annual homeless simulation
21. Got on a bus and spent 9 hours in Chicago with a group of pretty cool people
22. Raised $15,000 at the Ulster Project dinner auction
23. Put on my wedding dress and dressed as a zombie bride for Halloween in July
24. Took a 3-hour tour on the Belle of Louisville
25. Did the Velisoraptor an embarrassing number of times in public
26. Said goodbye to a group of amazing teens and two of the best people I know
27. Started a weekly tradition of Thursday night dinners at the Burdettes
28. Watched a meteor shower from the camper
29. Paid off our Visa and 2 store credit cards and started chipping away at our "dumb debt"
30. Launched a new website for the Chamber & Economic Development
31. Went to see Mumford & Sons for Brad’s birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
32. Got an awesome new hair cut & color from my sister-in-law
33. Took our niece to Chuck-E-Cheese’s
34. Went to the Casino in Anderson and won some monies!
35. Ate aussie burgers and solved the world's problems around a campfire with our new Australian friends
36. Started a Couch to 5K running program
37. Won free tickets to NASCA & went to a NASCAR race for the first time ever
38. Visited friends for our yearly ritual at the Evansville Fall Festival (including donut burgers!!)
39. Made 15 gallons of white bean chili and bought 80 pounds of apples for Soup, Stew, Chili & Brew
40. Put on a very successful Soup, Stew, Chili & Brew festival
41. Voted early for the 2012 Presidential election
42. Dressed up as Silent Film stars for a Halloween party
43. Packed our bags and headed to Ireland again, this time for a leadership conference
44. Flew out of New York City a day before Hurricane Sandy blew in
45. Joined the Ulster Project International steering committee
46. Spent Halloween with a group of diverse people who have found enough in common to love each other
47. Had tea with the Lord Mayor of Belfast, a former Ulster Project teen
48. Toured Stormont and met with different sides of the local government in Belfast
49. Visited the peace walls and wrote our own messages of peace, hope, and reconciliation
50. Spent a day at YouthLink, an inter-church organization that provides support and training for youth workers and community relations experiences for young people, on the very day that prison officer David Black was shot by dissident republicans on the M1 on his way to work, a mere 15 miles from where we were
51. Toured the Titanic Belfast Museum, the Titanic Quarter and got a private tour of the studio where they film Game of Thrones
52. Had lunch at the Dock Café, an Honesty Box Café  in which there is no charge for the food but you can make a donation for what you think it’s worth
53. Had dinner with Rev. Kerry Waterstone, who founded the Ulster Project in 1975
54. Went on a scary/sexy tour of the Leprechaun museum in Dublin
55. Watched Skyfall in Ireland before it was released in the US
56. Came  back to America just in time to watch the results of the election
57. Received a $2,000 grant from the Community Foundation to implement our Leadership Development Program in the 2013 Madison Ulster Project
58. Celebrated Thanksgiving with our families
59. Sang drunken karaoke at Beatniks with some old buddies
60. Decorated our new space for Christmas
61. Made a giant world out of pvc pipes, a tarp and spray paint
62. Dressed as post cards and walked in the Very Merry Madison Christmas parade
63. Discovered that someone broke into our storage unit but took nothing
64. Two beautiful little girls came into our lives and we have spent many days watching Dora and playing with blocks and baby dolls
65. Started cooking in the crock pot
66. Watched as our nation picked up the pieces of broken hearts in the wake of a tragedy in Connecticut when a gunman entered an elementary school and killed 26 people including teachers, young students and himself
67. Drove up to Brad's parents' house while they were on vacation to paint and redecorate our niece's room as a Christmas surprise
68. Hung out with my dad as he recovered from his second hip replacement surgery
69. Celebrated my 26th birthday with awesome coworkers then dinner and craft-night with the Burdettes
70. Hot glued over 4 bags of Christmas bows to a party dress and a Goodwill sweater for an ugly Christmas sweater party
71. Brad cooked the traditional family Christmas Eve dinner with an amazing riesling and mustard glazed ham
72. Celebrated Christmas traditions - both new and old - with our families
73. Enjoyed a snow day the day after Christmas
74. Built a snowman with my mom outside my sister's window
75. Ended 2012 with some Modern Family, Scrabble, and Goldschlager and started 2013 with a midnight kiss (followed by a Skype call to our friends in Northern Ireland)

All in all, I would say that all of those things add up to a pretty incredible year. I am looking forward to 2013 where my main goals are to save more money than I spend, burn more calories than I consume, do more for others than I do for myself, and practice resurrection by making ugly things beautiful and bringing dead things back to life. I want to count my blessings each day and not fall victim to the tricks of my mind. I will end with my favorite quote from Donald Miller: “And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?" 

So here's to 2013 - may you and I continue to live a good story, one that is worth retelling, one that we can be proud of when we look back on it in a year's time. 

Peace & Blessings