"Settling Down Without Settling"

I recently read an article in Relevant Magazine entitled "Settling Down Without Settling." It would be an understatement to say that this article spoke to my soul. I would plagiarize the whole thing here if I could. But I figured it would be best to paraphrase the key points and add in some of my own thoughts. So here it goes. This is where I have been lately - in a strange place between "young adult" and "grown up." And somehow I got lost in the transition, like I missed an exit or something. 

I have mentioned this in a previous blog post, but I feel like I have spent my whole life waiting. In high school I was always waiting for college. Once I reached the milestone of graduation and finally made it to college, I found myself waiting there too. I was waiting for my chance to change the world once I graduated. After college, I was waiting for find a job, get married, start a life.
Now my real life is here. The only thing is, it looks nothing like I thought that it would. Brad and I have been living in Madison for the past 2 years, and it seems like we have settled here - at least for the foreseeable future. Which means we won't be in the dozens of other places we'd like to be. We won't live every alternative life we've envisioned for ourselves. 

The word "settle" is terrifying to me. As the Relevant article said, "it often precedes those ugly words 'for less.' It carries with it that frightening connotation of compromise, like letting the person you love slip away while you marry someone else." And then they posed this question: Is it inevitable we settle like that?

We both went to a college where the phrase "World Changer" was drilled into us. For four years (five for Brad!) we were told to dream  big, that we could go anywhere, do anything, and be anyone. I remember one professor telling us that God would be disappointed in us if our dreams were too small. I think that is why the reality of our situation has hit me so hard. The truth is, we have limits. With the debt of our college degrees hanging over our heads, the big dreams and world changing lifestyle seem too far to reach. We have to pay the bills. In the pursuit of all these things, we have become ordinary. 

Our hearts ache with fresh memories of the townships in South Africa, the faces of orphans in Haiti, and the body of Christ that we feel so connected to which is spread around the world. We try to find community here. It comes in the form of weekly dinners with new friends that uplift our souls. Everyday we go off to our jobs and deal with the different stresses that each one brings. We make decisions about how to spend/save our money so one day we can feel like we are making it on our own. 

The following paragraph is a direct quote from the article, because it was too true for me to change in any way.

WHO DOESN’T FEEL SORT OF TRAPPED? WHO ISN’T ASKING, “IS THIS ALL THERE IS”?

"We look around at people who have been on this normal route for longer than we have, and it’s scary how many are disappointed. Many are married, many have homes and several have children. Many wish their jobs paid just a little more. Some struggle to stay afloat, needing two wage-earners in the home even when one spouse would love to stay home or volunteer more. Others feel lonely and wish they could move closer to a church, friends or family. Who doesn’t feel sort of trapped? Who isn’t asking, 'Is this all there is'?"

So we have given ourselves this challenge - make the ordinary into an adventure. We want to choose to live and notice amazing days, right in the here and now. And so while we are living with my parents, we also take weekend trips to visit friends and re-energize. We sit out by the fire in the evenings and try to spend more time talking to people than watching stuff on Netflix. We are embracing the Dave Ramsey way of life and turning the envelope method into a monthly challenge to do better with our finances. We are pouring ourselves into the Ulster Project because we believe in it. And at the end of October, we get to return to Northern Ireland because God is faithful!

In all this, we remember inspiring voices of people we’ve met in stricter circumstances who live out the same values of community, generosity and intentionality. I think of my friends in South Africa who settled into a township to care for the children of Linawo Children's home. Brad thinks of his missionary friends in Haiti who have dedicated themselves to providing love, hope, and a future to the people of La Gonave. They remind us that settling down doesn’t have to mean settling for less.

I will end with the closing statement from the article in Relevant. "We owe it to people in the hard places to not settle for a comfortable status quo here. We owe it to them—and to ourselves—to live intentionally, to live generously, to live an adventure in the everyday ordinary."